A trip down the rabbit hole

Dec. 2, 2007 - My earlier entry about my new migraine medicine was full of hope and optimism. If I'd only known what I was in for.I had reached the standard daily dosage, and still no headaches, but the side effects were getting stronger. The hardest to deal with was the anxiety. I've never been an anxious sort of person, but suddenly I was perpetually on the verge of panic. I had an ever-present feeling of impending doom. One episodes sticks in my mind. all of the sudden I was certain I couldn't handle life any more. I sat at the kitchen table, hyperventilating, and figured out how to get out of all my jobs. I'd quit teaching, quit coaching, quit church activities, quit everything. Committees, worship team, friendships; they all had to go. I just COULDN'T DO IT!!!!! I could hardly breathe, my lips were tingling from lack of oxygen and the room started going gray.Then it passed. I looked up, and thought very calmly to myself, "the stereo cabinet needs dusting."WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?!I called my doctor right then. I have to go off the medicine. She convinced me to cut back to about half, and after a week or so, I felt fairly normal again. Yikes!That wasn't the end of it, though. Two weeks ago I got hit with the mother of all migraines. I couldn't see the numbers on the phone to call my hubby. I tried to email him, couldn't see the keyboard or the screen. He later showed me the message I sent him; total gobbledygook.He came home and took me to the emergency room. They gave me a lovely cocktail of demerol and ativan, sending me off into the bliss of pain relief and sleep.Two days later, the sleeping was over, but not the problems. I couldn't recognize familiar things. My cat jumped into my lap ( you know how animals sense when you are sick and need comforting.) I didn't know this animal that jumped on me; I didn't even know it was a cat. It scared me and I flung it off me. Later, I looked out the window and saw our neighbor outside doing lawn work. He was dressed the way you expect for yard work on a cold day; grubby clothes, stocking cap. Problems was, I didn't know who he was. I called my husband over and told him there was a vagrant in the yard.The problems persisted for several weeks. Balance - I've run into the wing chair in the living room so many times I have rows of bruises on my ribs. My hips are black and blue from nailing the end tables. I can' t dial the phone- the numbers won't resolve into anything I recognize. I can't drive. I have no idea what to do when I get to an intersection. Do I get to go next? Is that person in the turning lane stopped? What do the brake lights mean? I knew it was too dangerous to drive any more. I decided not to cook unless someone was home to check on me. I've left things on the burner for hours. I've dragged my sleeve through the burner's flame. I can't read, because the words from one part of the page pop up in the white spaces somewhere else. I can't type. Extra letters and spaces appear for no reason, and I can't figure out how to fix them. The worst was trying to teach my co-op class. I looked at the syllabus I had written. It said we were going to cover pages 97-101 in the text. I couldn't comprehend what the dash meant, and I couldn't understand how to find those pages in the book. The sequential ordering of numbers was just beyond me. I called my doctor. What is wrong with me? I think it's the medicine. she agreed. I was to start tapering off right away.

One week on drugs

Aug. 2, 2007 -
Today I started my twice-a-day dosage. This morning's dose has made me quite dopey, and typing is really a chore. Oh, I get all the letters in there, but the order is not quite right. I'm sure if you checked each sentence, all the appropriate letters exist, but in nowhere near the right arrangement. Thank goodness for spell check!I am losing weight! In spite of several parties with lots of high calorie snacks. I think I like this. I can be skinny, go to parties, and be dumb. Look! I'm Paris Hilton! The best thing is, no headaches. I have had a few garden-variety tension headaches, but no migraines. I still have the glare induced afterimages and light sensitivity, but no migraine. Hallelujah. I do have trouble finding words, but I hear that will pass with time.Onward and upward, or wonrdward and poarnedrard!R the medicated!

Jul. 27, 2007 - Day One on Drugs
I'm sure you'll all be fascinated by this saga (yeah, right). I finally had enough of my ever-increasing migraines and went to the doctor. He put me on Topamax, an anti-seizure medication that prevents migraines. There's a huge laundry list of side effects, the best of which is effortless weight loss. I'm looking forward to that!That having been said, the others are not so fun. Inability to form and find words (yes, I'll be teaching high school writing in co-op), inability to focus (yes, we'll be doing chemistry this year), stupidity - they call it Dopa-Max, and a host of other fun stuff. So far today, after one dose last night, I am experiencing a burst of energy, some trouble with words, and a bit of dry mouth. I haven't lost one ounce of weight. I truly expected to be down a size by this morning. Sigh. What IS the matter with the pharmaceutical industry these days?Alas. I soldier on. Stupidity and skinniness, here I come.